本本，晴晴，楷楷與我的四人生活

這個七月。我曾用彩虹般美好的幻夢寫下某句夏日的詩，然而時光仍然扭頭就走。

扭頭就走，留下一季旺夏的扼然，而驚嘆，終於停止於半空中，化於一瞬。找不到施力點的日常生活節奏，定位於外在無比寧靜、內在卻處於可怕地的清醒裡。

如果靈魂也能喝醉，我的大腦或許也可以停歇一會兒，停止思考關於現在、未來和可笑的過去。

然而卻不行，無止盡地清醒著，不知是不是30歲的這年過了一半的宿命，我的外表看起來無比的頹唐，然而內心的各種奇想、念頭卻無比頭角崢嶸著，就像喝著塞了檸檬的可樂娜，在夏日裡酸苦適宜地冰鎮了思想、清醒了慾望。

走到這個季節，喜怒哀樂的風景好像大致已經看盡，人間大部份的況味好像也不能說沒有嚐過，重覆炒著一種無聊的自憐，一種巨大的挫折和無謂感油然而升，像日覆一日台北膚淺的晴朗天空一樣，重覆再重覆，不然就是似曾相識灰暗和同樣擁擠。當7月走進了死胡頭裡，現實生活張開了它的雙臂，熱情地迎接我回到平凡地乏味出疲勞的生活裡，此時，我儼然看見生命站在充滿陽光的遠方盡頭，用力嘲笑著我那與生俱來的脆弱。

就像《seasons in the sun》裡面，微微的死亡氣息總是充滿在充滿陽光鳥語裡的。

Seasons in the sun   Terry Jacks


Goodbye to you, my trusted friend
We've known each other since we're nine or ten
Together we climbed hills or trees
Learned of love and ABC's
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
When you see them I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me
I was the black sheep* of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I get along

Goodbye, Papa, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I'll be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons all have gone

Goodbye Michelle, my little one
You gave me love and helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye, Michelle, it's hard to die
When all the bird are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach
Were just starfishes on the beach